If you asked me right now, “What makes you happy?” I would probably ask for a lot of your time to figure out my answer, but would end up with “Anything, I guess?”
Which sounds like the most unserious answer ever. But genuinely, I never know how to answer that question.
Some people immediately know and could enumerate a list. Some will say their family, travelling, music, food, or anything else that they are passionate about. Meanwhile, me? I don’t know. I’m just gonna stare and think deeply, trying to come up with an answer without soundling like I have never experienced happiness before.
It’s not that nothing makes me happy. I enjoy life, I hang out with my friends, and I go with the flow. What I think the problem is is that there are too many things to do.
I’m the type of person who stays at home whenever I don’t have class or plans with friends. I usually go straight to my house after class, and if there is nowhere I need to be, chances are I’m at home. In my room and bed, doing absolutely nothing important.
And honestly?
I’m fine with that.
I got used to being alone. I like having my own space and not having to constantly interact with people. Sometimes, being alone is peaceful. No small talk, no pressure, and no trying to figure out what to say next. Just me, my thoughts, my phone, and whatever random thing I decided to do that day.
But here’s the thing.
Whenever I’m with people I’m actually comfortable with, I suddenly become the person who doesn’t want the day to end. You know that feeling when you’re hanging out with someone you dearly love, and you’re just talking, laughing about the most random moments, or both of you reminisce about the old days.
Then suddenly, someone says:
“It’s already late; I have to go home”
And you’re like
Oh. Already?
Because somehow, without realizing the time you have spent with each other, you started to have fun.
There are moments when I find myself thinking, “I don’t want to go home yet.” And I think that’s when I realized that maybe I don’t actually dislike being around people. Maybe I’m happy with being around the RIGHT people.
The ones who make silence feel comfortable.
The ones you don’t need to impress.
The ones you can be weird around without immediately regretting it later.
Maybe that’s one of the things that makes me happy.
And maybe happiness is not supposed to be this one huge thing or something tangible. Maybe it’s literally just laughing with the people you’re happy with, getting food after a long day, listening to a song that suddenly hits your mood and comforts you, receiving a message from someone you love, staying in bed when you finally have nothing to do, or being somewhere and realizing, “I actually want this moment to last a little longer”
So, what makes me happy?
Honestly?
Anything.
Not in a sad “I don’t know what makes me happy” kind of way. But in a “Maybe happiness has been hiding in the small things this whole time” kind of way. And maybe that’s enough for me. Because sometimes, happiness isn’t something you need to chase or plan for. Sometimes, it just happens. And you only realize you were happy after you find yourself thinking: “I don’t want to go home yet.”
